Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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