I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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