i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
