That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Moan for me like Helen Keller
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
