The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
