That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
