So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
