i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How drunk are you?