I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of