Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  .....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......

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  (847): .....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party...... http://tfl.nu/uwbu
  Replies (7) Good night (1544) Bad night (4287)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants

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  (810): i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants http://tfl.nu/brg7
  Replies (48) Good night (5794) Bad night (1125)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.

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  (780): Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man. http://tfl.nu/3qrw
  Replies (8) Good night (5122) Bad night (1958)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.

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  (440): well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them. http://tfl.nu/xftj
  Replies (6) Good night (3446) Bad night (958)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.

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  (202): Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools. http://tfl.nu/n6n6
  Replies (12) Good night (953) Bad night (2212)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.

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  (715): Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me. http://tfl.nu/2k2c
  Replies (11) Good night (2557) Bad night (828)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?

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  (817): How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf? http://tfl.nu/6kzv
  Replies (6) Good night (1382) Bad night (596)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture

  (410): View more from Maryland

  dude you're not even a fucking science major

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  (717): Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture (410): dude you're not even a fucking science major http://tfl.nu/vino
  Replies (4) Good night (1199) Bad night (399)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.

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  (254): I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits. http://tfl.nu/syex
  Replies (11) Good night (1171) Bad night (443)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent

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  (404): Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent http://tfl.nu/17u7
  Replies (0) Good night (952) Bad night (440)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far

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  (407): I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far http://tfl.nu/ylx6
  Replies (1) Good night (864) Bad night (350)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday

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  (704): Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday http://tfl.nu/7l8d
  Replies (4) Good night (422) Bad night (271)
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  (760): View more from California

  This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful

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  (760): This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful http://tfl.nu/eznx
  Replies (1) Good night (511) Bad night (340)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager

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  (717): showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager http://tfl.nu/8w75
  Replies (1) Good night (637) Bad night (248)
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  (518): View more from New York

  So do you know how we found out he was engaged?

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  An Amber Alert?

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  (518): So do you know how we found out he was engaged? (704): An Amber Alert? http://tfl.nu/r4bm
  Replies (4) Good night (579) Bad night (356)

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