i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.