I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.