I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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