the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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