Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
