The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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