OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
