right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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