I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
