I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
