You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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