sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
