drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
