Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
