Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
