I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
