yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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