Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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