In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
