evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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