Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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