i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
