Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You're like the curious george of whores
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
