Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
