I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You need a sexual gate keeper
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
