It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
