Just fell off a train. Bad.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
