It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she peed on how many people?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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