Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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