the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
