I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
