I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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