I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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