Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
