this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
