just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
