My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
