Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
