What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
