hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
