I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she pinky promised me she was 18
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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