Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
