i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
