and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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