i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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