It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
