I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
