$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
