Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
