He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
