We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
