He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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