Dual....:-)
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
