Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
