I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
