just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
