i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
