That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
