Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
