Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
