I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
