You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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