She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
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From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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