Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Two words: nipple clamps
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