we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
