On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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