we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
