she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
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Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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