i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
