The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
