so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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