Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
