well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Michael Bay diarrhea
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dignity is for republicans.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
