hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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